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What are some funny and smart quotes?

Last Updated: 16.06.2025 13:04

What are some funny and smart quotes?

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

If you caught a shoplifter at your yard sale, how would you handle it?

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

Hi, I’m Jo. My best friend died 2 years ago today. My husband died 6 months later. So, I’m a depressed mess (we were married 28 years) and can’t shake it. Even my Brother is worried. Some days I don’t do anything, and avoid men cause I don’t want to date. Any suggestions? Thanks for reading.

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

Have you ever been physically attacked by a demon?

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”